with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
should my penis look like a turkey
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't turn off my feet"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
