Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just gargled with NyQuil
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
