There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
