I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I supernannyed him into submission
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
