Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you win again, gameday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
