I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
