I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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