hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
