That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
