So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
