The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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