The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
