ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
