I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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