Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
