i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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