I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
