I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
