Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Randomize
