So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
