ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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