i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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