R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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