Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
