what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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