My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
