I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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