3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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