the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
