Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
