if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
