I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
