That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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