Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
