So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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