is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
