Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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