matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
