i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
