I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
