i just had sex bonerless
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
