Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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