So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
