they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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