I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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