I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
