Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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