OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
