Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
