I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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