Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
